fallible

adjective: 1. liable to make a mistake; 2. liable to be inaccurate or erroneous.

i love this word. remember that one time when the pope, who is (according to catholic theology) infallible, had to apologize for what he said to the whole world? that was funny. that made me love this word, and what it means 10 times more than i already did.

today's three things.

1. i'm still alive.
2. i did my laundry.
3. i'm going to ohio tomorrow to help canvass for barack obama.

today did bring its share of disappointments, from the doctor who i obviously put too much faith in, to learning i have a cyst in my sinuses, to still feeling really wigged out about things that i am doing everything i can to not be a part of. that is really hard. and i still have mild senioritis about my job, even though i don't know if it's justified yet.

last night i started thinking it would be a relief if i didn't get the job, because then i wouldn't have to work so hard.

and then i thought, "anna. that's gross. take that back right now."

so i did.

all in all, things aren't bad. they're just rough right now. like normal.

i want joy. and peace. and acupuncture.

goodnight.

ersatz

adjective: 1. being a substitute or imitation, usually an inferior one.

you can say that again.

today i feel like crap about the following things:

1. job. don't like being told what to do, don't like doing someone else's shit because they don't want to, don't like having theological crises because promoters think that God wants all people to work for free because it's "ministry," and don't like other people thinking they're better at paperwork than everyone else. it's paperwork. get a life.
2. my sinuses. what else is new?
3. a certain situation that i'm not really at liberty to discuss, despite my attempted blogging anonymity. it turns out that anonymity is really hard when you label yourself a celebrity on the front end. anyways, let's just say this situation involves certain things happening for people who aren't ready, while i feel very ready...but nothing is happening. bleh.
4. another certain situation that i'm also not really at liberty to discuss. this one may involve heartstrings, impatience, and bourbon.
5. a third situation that i don't even want to discuss. mom, just call me sometimes, ok? i'm not a creepy cousin.
6. my living situation. say whatever you want about how nice this house is. you try living with a girl who just moved from manhattan and a puppy who pees on everything and tell me how YOU like it.

today i feel alright...possibly even good about the following things:

1. four more days until i get to go to the doctor. i don't even remember what it's like to not have a headache.
2. a new computer at work!! no more hairy keyboard for me!! not to mention, walking into a store, telling someone what you want, dropping $2K, and leaving, all within 3 minutes makes you feel pretty fly.
3. happy hour with mrm. boy did i need that. i was even happy when i left, and after today, that's a big deal.
4. a warm bath and a book.
5. in bed at 10:00pm.

someday, i'll have a long section about the good things, and they won't just be coping methods. tomorrow will be better. right?