grateful

everything has helped someone.

i mean, not everything all at once...but everything has been good for someone at some point. isn't that a beautiful idea? there are a lot of things that i have taken time to laugh at (and maybe that's been good for me!), but each of those things, laughable or not, has impacted someone else.

friend and i traveled down to brentwood tonight for a church service full of remarkably affluent, well-meaning people, and preacher was talking about how we are all wired differently. and how we're all special and important.

i say, "geez already, am i pondering spiritual maturity and higher things, or am i accidentally at self-help group?"

brain says, "this is really impacting someone right now. for someone, this IS spiritual maturity and higher things."

i say, "true, brain. well played."

the internet is another excellent example of this amazing truth. i found a notable blog tonight that is dedicated to being thankful for small things, in the model that AA taught them. and i say, "AA may have saved that person's life." i've laughed with friends on a regular basis...hi, i'm so and so and i like chocolate. i like books. i love lamp. but for notable blogger, they've said that, except used their name, and the phrase "i'm an alcoholic." and it changed their life.

lesson of tuesday: i will not belittle other people's stuff/things. their stuff is for them, and makes a notable difference in life/love/pursuit of happiness. for that, i'm thankful.

you know what may be sad though? there's probably a handful of people who will slap my self-proclaimed internet celebrity blogger hand, and say, "liberal doormat! don't you know that some people's stuff isn't healthy for them, and we should invade their stuff for their own good in order to turn them towards our stuff, which is obviously morally superior?"

well...no. i disagree.

i mean, we can talk about levels of severity if you want, but i'm not talking about illegal or dangerous stuff, silly posing-as-conservative-and-righteous-but-really-just-scared-friends. don't get all uppity. i just think it's neat that everyone has the opportunity to affect anyone. love is big. bigger than me. bigger than you. i want to use it, and i don't ever want to think it's not enough. everything can help someone.

additionally, i injured my foot. it hurts a great deal. let's love my foot into health.

i'm going to jackson...

still not at home...
manage to travel all the time.
too much.

just want to sleep in in my own bed.

spent last weekend in new orleans, driving around, being horrified at rotting houses with body counts spray painted on the outside. wanting to let the city sweep me into this romantic whirlwind of rebuild, revive, renew orleans...wanting to sit every day on my porch overlooking the french quarter while i sip on chicory coffee and hold the newspaper. not reading, just watching and posing for a postcard. waiting for the jazz musicians to sweep down the street and carry me away on their sea of off-beats and dissonance.

that sentiment didn't really latch on past the weekend, but it would be nice if it ever did. i remain faithful to chicory coffee either way.

this weekend, traveling back to memphis to visit with people i haven't seen since i moved. it's strange, to feel like i'm trying to announce and proclaim my own return...no one has honestly stayed in touch with me since i left. some people, i guess, don't really have to, since we're connected in places that transcend email. but some people, it would be nice to hear from, to know that i wasn't just good for the free money and the political banter.

speaking of, stephen colbert is a no-go in south carolina. what a shame.

one of these days, i want to get over the need to be so detached - i want to challenge myself to learn something new, and explore different facets of things i've only glanced at in the past. i want to learn more about myself, and more about the people around me. more about how to communicate effectively, and more about how to be secure in the things that i actually am interested in. how to be proud of knitting and crossword puzzles and vocal about wanting to write blogs/short stories. how to be confident in what i actually do for a job...that doesn't require a high level of education, and doesn't further any great world causes, but is good for me for the time being, and pays my damn bills.

it gets overlooked sometimes when i'm trying to be selfless and noble and shit, but here's something that's good to look out for and love:

me.

that being said, i'm going to sleep.