i'm going to jackson...

still not at home...
manage to travel all the time.
too much.

just want to sleep in in my own bed.

spent last weekend in new orleans, driving around, being horrified at rotting houses with body counts spray painted on the outside. wanting to let the city sweep me into this romantic whirlwind of rebuild, revive, renew orleans...wanting to sit every day on my porch overlooking the french quarter while i sip on chicory coffee and hold the newspaper. not reading, just watching and posing for a postcard. waiting for the jazz musicians to sweep down the street and carry me away on their sea of off-beats and dissonance.

that sentiment didn't really latch on past the weekend, but it would be nice if it ever did. i remain faithful to chicory coffee either way.

this weekend, traveling back to memphis to visit with people i haven't seen since i moved. it's strange, to feel like i'm trying to announce and proclaim my own return...no one has honestly stayed in touch with me since i left. some people, i guess, don't really have to, since we're connected in places that transcend email. but some people, it would be nice to hear from, to know that i wasn't just good for the free money and the political banter.

speaking of, stephen colbert is a no-go in south carolina. what a shame.

one of these days, i want to get over the need to be so detached - i want to challenge myself to learn something new, and explore different facets of things i've only glanced at in the past. i want to learn more about myself, and more about the people around me. more about how to communicate effectively, and more about how to be secure in the things that i actually am interested in. how to be proud of knitting and crossword puzzles and vocal about wanting to write blogs/short stories. how to be confident in what i actually do for a job...that doesn't require a high level of education, and doesn't further any great world causes, but is good for me for the time being, and pays my damn bills.

it gets overlooked sometimes when i'm trying to be selfless and noble and shit, but here's something that's good to look out for and love:

me.

that being said, i'm going to sleep.