permeate

transitive verb: 1. To spread or diffuse through. 2. To pass through the pores or openings of.

today, a celebrity died. he was young - too young to die the way he did - and had a fairly successful career ahead of him. there hadn't been a great deal of gossip about him or his destructive habits, just the occasional side article about him getting an oscar nomination, or having a baby. all positive things. but then, out of nowhere, his face popped up on the news ticker, along with a tragic headline.

and i was so affected.

it felt strange - obviously, i don' t know him. i've never been a huge fan of his movies, and the times i've heard him talk, i wasn't overwhelmed with his eloquence or intellect. but i was genuinely upset when i heard he had died.

as i talked with my friends and coworkers all afternoon about what had happened, i started wondering what it is about the celebrity world that moves us so deeply...sometimes it feels like it is simultaneously the furthest thing from us and the thing closest to our hearts.

now i'm no philosopher or psychologist. but i think the reason i was so affected by the news of his death is that it's a reminder. i'm reminded of how close death really is to us. how can we ever know? life is so fragile, and events like this shake me back into an awareness of what an incredible gift every single day is.

in the same vein, i think the reason we get so attached to celebrities is because we try to vicariously live life through them - we keep them close to our heart, sharing in their ups and downs ("i love her new haircut! she can pull of anything!"/"omg! i couldn't believe what she was wearing!"), their major life changes, their intimate struggles, even living in their home every week and interacting with their family. so when they die, it's like we've lost a relative, even if it's that weirdo uncle who creeps you out.

anyways, all that to say, i think this man's death got to me because i know that he has a 2 year old daughter who will miss her daddy, and because it reminded me that ultimately, we're both fragile people. everything is connected.

i'm grateful for my life. and not just the circumstances of my life. i'm grateful for life. period.

and here are three specifics from today:

1. rainy rain. rain + coffee = happy anna.
2. getting an email from my mom with photos of my cousin's newborn son, keegan. precious.
3. the freedom to come home tonight, and lay curled up in my bed with tea, playing online scrabble. simple joys. this is how i act when adrian goes out of town. and i love it.