efface

transitive verb: 1) to cause to disappear by rubbing out, striking out, etc.; to erase; to render illegible or indiscernible; 2) to destroy, as a mental impression; to wipe out; to eliminate completely; 3) to make (oneself) inconspicuous.

the word efface was actually the word of the day from december 27, 2006, but for some reason, i couldn't get the current year's word to refresh, and you can't have two "hermitage" entries. unless you're not OCD.

not much energy today...last day in colorado, unless it snows a lot and i don't have to get on a plane for chicago tomorrow. and by 'have to' i mean 'get to.' i'm praying for snow.

i did buy a party dress today, though, that will look much better in chicago then it will in my parent's living room, so maybe i'll pray for snow but only for a couple of days...then cleared out by the 30th. yes, good plan.

fear: that blogging will lead to the slow and painful death of my journal, which i really do love. my journal feels more like ME, like something that someone could pick up, and by the time they're through it, know me as a person, rather than just me as a self-proclaimed internet celebrity blogger. it has my handwriting, my doodles, my coffee stains, my artwork...those things are something kids and grandkids can enjoy and reflect on. "kids, let me show you about my life...climb on granny's lap and let's visit blogger.com!" just doesn't have the same ring to it. it doesn't feel as homey.

i enjoy the blogging though, for a couple reasons...first, i'm a faster typer than i am a writer, meaning i feel like my blogs are much more stream of consciousness, and i don't get a hand cramp. second, i like the idea that i'm writing things for people to read and think about and critique. i know for a fact that no one is reading this blog, but still. it's the principle. i wonder why i haven't told anyone about my blog...maybe it's because i like the idea of anonymity. that i can say what i really think (FUCK BUSH!), and i don't get all antsy that people i know may judge me because it doesn't match up with my front. does that make sense?

i'm ridiculously tired, and there is a very alluring kurt vonnegut novel laying next to me that is calling my name. so here are three quick things for today:

1. got to relax and sleep in. how nice to wake up and know you have no where to be.
2. little sexy black party dress, and new shoes. does anything make a girl feel better?
3. curled up on the couch with family, trying to explain the complexities of LOST season 3 to them while they smile blankly, finally confessing that they don't know what the hell i'm talking about. still, i tried to emphasize the significance of juliette marking the tents of the pregnant women for ben to steal, even though she's in love with jack and faithful to the losties!

hermitage

noun: 1) the habitation of a hermit or group of hermits; 2) a monastary or abbey; 3) a secluded residence, a hideaway, a retreat.

merry christmas. i'm asking you to please ignore the fact that it's technically the day after christmas. because i have not yet gone to bed, i'm still feeling festive. don't deprive me of this joy.

what a delicious day. and for some reason, i felt inspired to make 2008 a good year for me. i mean, i suppose in the long run there's not really a whole lot i can do to control the major events of '08, but i felt ready to make some changes. but maybe i'm falling into that old person category...these are the big, life-changing, outlook-shifting attitudes/regiments that will be implemented as of january 1...and i'm done by january 2. i hope not...but one never knows. it will be my resolution to keep my resolutions!

one thing i DO want to do, regardless of how fat i get, is make a point of writing more. in order to maintain my status as an internet celebrity blogger, i imagine it's helpful to do certain things like...blogging? i was talking with a friend tonight over dinner and declared that i want my ultimate career to involve reading things and writing things. is that even a real job? it sounds too good to be true. but she said it exists. and to write. being disciplined is hard for me, especially if i feel under qualified for something. which i do. right now. i'm a better brain dumper than writer. surely there's a place for that in the literary world? oh fortuna, don't break my heart.

i also have a few arty farty resolutions drifting aimlessly around in my head. we'll see if those pan out.

here are my three things for today:

1. snow falling as we open presents around the tree. people can say whatever they want about what christmas really is, but i'll tell you right now: whatever it is, it's better with snow.
2. delicious breakfast full of food that i cooked. i know, i cooked. sharing it with family.
3. multiple glasses of milk punch while laughing hysterically with the people i love the most.
4. *bonus!* thank you jesus, for being born and loving me, even when i don't get it and decide that being a rogue is cooler than being devoted to you. because i get confused and think that being devoted to you means being devoted to the church people i don't like seeing.

on to 2008!

draconian

adjective: 1. Pertaining to Draco, a lawgiver of Athens, 621 BC. 2. Excessively harsh, severe.

today's three things:

1) delicious potato knish & perfectly doctored coffee
2) singing O Holy Night at the top of my lungs with 200 other people
3) curled up on the couch watching Elf and fostering my festive spirit

merry christmas, baby.

mendicant

noun: 1. A beggar; especially someone who makes a business out of begging.

today was so damn depressing. it's hard when you feel like there are things that should be your responsibility, but you can't figure out a way to get a hold of them. when you can't change the way you feel, but you know it's completely ungrounded. that's how today was. in attempt to shirk owning up to my shitty attitude, i will blame the following:
a) sinus pressure emanating from the depths of Sheol
b) difficult shift on crisis line
c) rain

no, nix that last one. i can only blame that for the fact that i stayed in bed all day.

to balance out the three scapegoats of my day, i will now attempt to recall three positive things that happened today. let's round things out here...

1. woke up with my favorite person's arm draped over my side. after shifting slightly in my waking-up-fog, he pulled his arm, and along with it, me, closer to him. then i fell back asleep.
2. learned about a dairy farmer in new hampshire that makes biodegradable flower pots out of cow poo, thus eliminating the waste that comes out of his farm, and providing nutrients and loveliness for plants everywhere. how innovative.
3. chai egg nog latte. enough said.

ahh good, now i feel better. time to drug up and hit the hay.

soporific

adjective: 1. Causing sleep; tending to cause sleep.

thus begins my new goal of naming/starting every entry with the word of the day. this way, i will never have to think of a catchy title, and i will enhance my vocablary.

fear: that i will be around mediocrity for so long and so exclusively that i will start to think that mediocrity is actually quality.

fear is being enhanced by: current effect of employment environment on musical preference.

now, in truth, this job has certainly taught me that good vs. bad is really relative. as i mentioned in my last blog, everything is good for somebody. i have heard really awful music that has changed someone's life. but to me, it makes me want to cry. in a very non-spiritual way.

i think something that bothers me on a regular basis is that christians are supposed to be in tune with the creator of the universe - someone who certainly has the job skills to back up that title. but rather than looking to enhance our creativity by seeking to explore him in new ways, or by reflecting on different truths throughout the scope of our entire life situation, and not just our sunday morning, we manage to keep coming back to the same set of words.

every christian song will contain two or more of the following:
>glory
>holy
>praise
>worthy
>sacrifice
>majesty
>mercy
>grace
>rain/reign (as in, rain your reigning majesty)
>powerful
>heart
>yearn
>desire (as in, my heart's desire)
>humble(d)
>beautiful

and so on and so forth. so really, every christian song has already been written. either, god is good, allelulia amen, or, life is so hard, but god is good, allelulia, amen.

now, objectively, is using the same words over and over demonstrative musical genius? no. is it easy and predictable, so that even the slowest sheep can ride this train? yes. so...good or bad? you decide. lots of different songs speak to people in different ways by using the same words in a different chord progression..,

it still doesn't appeal to me...there's still time for me to be saved. pray for my indie soul.